Mr Mom
by dracoslilmuggle
Summary: Draco has lost his job so it's up to Hermione to go to work and raise money. Draco thinks staying home is going to be great, but throw in two kids and the fun begins. Can Draco handle it?
1. Fired

Summary: Draco/Hermione fic inspired by the Lonestar song: "Mr. Mom". Not a songfic, just a story. Draco loses his job and it's up to Hermione to earn some money to keep the bills up while Draco looks for another job. Draco thinks keeping house is easy, but not when your five year old is ornery and your two year old can already do wand-less magic…What will Draco do?

Disclaimer: Short, sweet, and to the point? I don't own the characters. Carter and Mallory Malfoy are fig newtons of my imagination. But, they are my characters

Mr. Mom

Chapter One: Fired

Draco Malfoy walked up the walk to his house. Sure he could have flooed there, but, he'd decided to fly. He was just that upset.

He opened the front door and slammed it behind him.

He heard footsteps running to him.

"Dad!" His five year old son, Carter came up to him.

"Hey, Carter. How was your day?" He picked up the child and walked into the kitchen.

"Good."

"Where's your mother?"

"Here I am, Draco." His wife, Hermione said.

"Good. I need to talk to you." He set Carter down. "Carter? Go check on your sister."

"K." Carter ran off into the lounge.

"Draco? Is everything alright? How was work?"

Draco put his hand on the counter and laughed harshly.

"Work?"

"Yes. Work." She crossed her arms. And gave him a concerned look. "You did go to work, didn't you?"

"Oh, I went, yes. Yes. I went to work. And do you know what that bastard said to me?"

"What?"

"He said 'We don't feel we need you anymore, Malfoy.' He fired me!"

"Oh, no! The same guy that old you, you were the best employee?"

"The very same. Now, we're going to be short on bills. We already used up most of Father's inheritance." Hermione sat at the table.

"Well, we should be good on bills for now."

"I knew I never should have bought that new broom…I didn't need it. Or the new robes. Or any of the other expensive things I bought…"

"You didn't think you were going to be fired, love. How could you have known?"

He put his head on the table.

"I'm a bad father."

"Sorry?"

"I'm a bad father."

"How do you figure?" She asked getting up and going to kneel beside him.

"I spend all the money on me. There's no way we can pull through this."

Hermione looked at the floor.

"I'll go back to work." She looked back at him. "Part-time. I'll pick up some hours at a shop somewhere."

"No. No, you aren't going back to work."

"Yes. It's settled." She stood up and walked out of the kitchen.

"Mione? Wait. This is not settled." He got up and followed her out of the kitchen. She sat on the couch. "You can't go back to work."

"Why not, Draco?"

"Because. Women don't work. You stay home and take care of the kids and clean and cook and…" He saw the look on her face and knew he'd gone too far. But he was not one to just fall in an argument.

"Draco Malfoy? Is that all you think I do around here?" She stood up.

"Hermione? I have not had a good day…" He said, trying to intimidate her., but he'd learned in school that you don't intimidate Hermione Granger.

"I'm aware you have not had a good day. But, let me tell you about my day. I had to run to the Laundromat because the dryer broke again, the water bill was late because you never paid it; I had to borrow some floo powder to go to the store to get new floo powder, while at the store, Carter broke a vase, Mallory threw up, and I maxed out yet another credit card. Not on purpose, mind you. So, before you try and intimidate me with your attitude, I suggest you live my life. And don't argue with me in front of our children."

Draco took the whole rant with a grain of salt and when she was done said,

"Are you through?"

"Yes."

"Fine. You win. Get a job."

"Thank you."

She walked upstairs.

"You made Mummy mad." Carter said.

"Carter? Work on your homework." Draco said, rubbing his temples.

"I don't have homework."

"Then, I'll get you something to copy."

A/N: A little short, I know. How is this one? As good as the other two? I hope so. Well, you know the drill RxR. Please?


	2. Shopping with the Kids

Mr. Mom

Chapter Two: Shopping with the Kids

3 Weeks Later…

"Ok, Draco. I'm going to the interview. I should only be an hour. While I'm gone, could you please run to the store and grab the things we need."

"Do I have to go to the Muggle grocery store?"

"I don't care where you go, Draco." She grabbed her purse and walked to the fireplace. "The list is on the table." She grabbed some floo powder and said, "Diagon Alley." The flames leapt around her and then she was gone.

"Well, guys? Mum's gone and we need to go to the store to get groceries. So, let's get our coats and things and go."

"I don't wanna go." Carter whined.

"Carter Malfoy? You'll go and you'll enjoy it."

"Will you buy me a toy?"

"We'll see. Depends on if you're good or not."

"Ok."

10 minutes later, after fighting the baby and getting the stroller open, they were ready to go.

Draco ushered the two children into the fireplace.

"Alright, Carter. Now, hold onto me and do not let go until we are in Hogsmeade. Do you understand?" Carter nodded. "Good boy."

"Can I do it?"

"No, son. You aren't old enough." Carter pouted. "Oh, stop pouting." Draco grabbed some floo powder and said "Hogsmeade."

Draco pushed the stroller through Hogsmeade to the small grocery store.

"Daddy? Can we go into Honeydukes?"

"Maybe later, Carter. But for right now, no. Hold onto the stroller now so you keep up. That's a good boy."

Draco found the shop and went inside.

While trying to find the best quality of bread, he heard a voice say,

"Hey, Malfoy. Long time no see."

He turned around to see his old school friend, Gregory Goyle.

"Greg! How are you?"

"Good."

"How's the family?"

"Fairing. Are you still with her?"

"Yes, Greg. I'm still with Hermione." Draco rolled his eyes. He thought his Slytherin friends would have dropped the subject of Hermione, but apparently not.

"Hello, Uncle Greg." Carter said, from behind his father's legs."

"Hello, Carter. How are you?"

"I'm alright. Daddy's getting a new job."

"A new job, Draco? What happened to the other one?"

"Told the boss to take the job and shove it."

Goyle laughed.

"You told him to shove it?"

"Yes."

"Where is…Granger?" Goyle choked out.

"Hermione is looking for another job. Honestly, Greg. She has a name."

"Don't like calling her by it."

"Please do it for my children?"

"Fine. For the kids."

"Thank you. But, I've got to get back to shopping."

"Alright, then. See you later."

"See you." Draco turned back to the bread. He forgot about the children until Mallory, the two year old, started crying. Even then, he thought to himself 'Will someone shut that bloody child up?"

He then noticed someone staring at him like 'Would you shut that bloody child up?'

Then, it hit him that it was his child crying.

"Oh! Mallory!" He looked down at the small, screaming, frantic child. "I'm sorry. What is it, love? Tell Daddy what's wrong." She held out her bottle. "Out of milk, I see."

"And she needs to be changed." Carter said, holding his nose.

"Very well. Come on then. To the restroom." Draco pushed the stroller in the direction of the bathroom. When they got there, Draco told Carter to go to the bathroom. Carter told Draco he didn't have to, which started an argument between a five year old and a 25 year old who thought he could win a battle with a five year old. Draco finally won the argument by telling Carter he'd get no toy if he didn't go and attempt to use the bathroom, because Draco wasn't coming back.

While Carter was in the stall, Draco put Mallory on the changing table. He quickly changed her and set her back in the stroller. He filled her bottle with water and gave it to her. She pushed it away.

"There's no doubt you're my daughter." He emptied some of the water, put formula in the bottle, shook it, and handed it back to Mallory who took it happily.

Five minutes later, she was crabby again.

"What is it now, Mallory?"

"Up." She said.

"Oh, no Missy. You're staying right there in that stroller."

"Up!"

"No, Mallory. We still have a lot of shopping to do for Mummy who left us this seven page shopping list." He said, soothingly.

"Up! Up! Up! Up!" She chanted, urgently. Clearly losing her patience with her father. People were once again looking at Draco as if he couldn't handle his children.

"Ok, Sweetie." He picked her up and cradled her. "Push, Carter."

"Yes, sir."

Draco was relieved when the finally finished the last of the shopping and were headed home.

"You forgot my toy!"

"Oh, Sorry, Carter. Here. Let's run into Honeydukes and I'll buy you some chocolate frogs. How's that?"

"K."

Carter opened the door and Draco pushed the stroller through the door.

"Thank you, Carter."

"Welcome."

They got Carter's frogs and left to go home. Hermione wasn't home yet. Draco set Mallory on the floor and let her walk around.

He went into the kitchen to put away the things he'd bought.

Afterwards, he sat on the couch and put his head back.

"Headache." Mallory said.

"Yes, Mallory. Daddy has a headache. Very good. How's your writing going, Carter?"

"Ok. My ds are still flip-flopped, but I'm doing ok." He replied trying to catch a frog as it hopped a way from him.

"That's good. And your drawing?"

"Good." He answered, biting the frog's legs off.

"Any new pictures?"

"Yeah. The one on the fridge."

"I didn't see that one."

"I'll go get it." Carter got off the floor and went to the kitchen to get the picture. He came back with it in his hands. Draco patted the seat next to him and Carter climbed on the couch.

"Wow, Car. That's great. Who's this?"

"That's me."

"And this?"

"You."

"And this?"

"Uncle Harry. And that's Uncle Ronnie. We're having boys' night out."

"Boys' night out?"

"That's what Mum said. She said it was boy's night out."

"That's…uh…Great, Carter."

"Mum says you don't really like Uncle Harry and Uncle Ronnie. Why not?"

"I like them just fine, Carter."

"Uncle Harry's famous isn't he?"

"Yes." Draco snarled. He hated being reminded of Potter's fame. "And he let it go to his head. Selling his life to that author."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing important, really. Just defeated the darkest wizard of all time. Never been one like him."

"What was his name?"

"Lord Voldemort. I met him once, you know? And he wasn't really that mean. I mean, if you exclude the fact that he killed people for a living…but he wasn't half bad."

"You met him?"

"Oh, yes. My father was in the most high of ranks with him."

"Grandpa Lucius was a Dark Lord?"

Draco smiled at his son.

"Far from it." He sighed. "No. He was just a pawn in Voldemort's army against your Uncle Harry as were all the other Death Eaters."

"So, there was nothing special about him?"

"Nope."

The door opened and Hermione walked in.

"Sorry I'm late. The interview took longer than I expected."

A/N: Long chapter. I only got one review for this story. I hope that's because it's just so good that there's nothing to say about it or no one really has the time to review and not that the story sucks. Please tell me what you think.

Peace out!


	3. Alone with the kids

Mr. Mom

Chapter Three: Alone with the Kids

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I decided to devote a lot of my time to The Other Boy Who Lived. And then I got caught up in school things. Also, if you read "Rainy Dayes and Sleepless Nights" and wanted me to update, I'm sorry to say that that isn't going to happen for some time. My computer at home that has the story on it is really slow and the printer doesn't work, so I can't print it out and retype it on this one. So, what I have to do is rewrite it…Thank you for enduring that speech.

And now, replies:

**Tomanddansgrl5**: I know the plot's going a little quick. I'm trying to slow it up, just a little. And this story is not my best work, so I'm not surprised that you're unimpressed.

**Sari: **Draco is going to be closer to the kids, yes. And I may just have to have Hermione have another one. Not sure yet. I'll see where it's going.

Anyhow! Next chapter!

_Earlier:_

"_Grandpa Lucius was a Dark Lord?"_

_Draco smiled at his son._

"_Far from it." He sighed. "No. He was just a pawn in Voldemort's army against your Uncle Harry as were all the other Death Eaters."_

"_So, there was nothing special about him?"_

"_Nope."_

_The door opened and Hermione walked in._

"_Sorry I'm late. The interview took longer than I expected."_

"Oh, hey, Hermione."

Mallory toddled over to her mother who picked her up.

"How did the shopping go?" She asked, as Mallory swatted her face. "Stop please Mallory?"

"Shopping went all right. Considering I had a seven page shopping list and had to floo to get to the shop."

"And you got everything on that seven page shopping list?" She inquired, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, 'Mione." He said, slowly. "Everything on the list."

"And nothing extra?"

"Who do you take me for?" He asked smirking. "Weasley?"

"Shut up." She walked into the kitchen, carrying Mallory with her.

Draco got up and followed her.

"Well?"

Hermione set the baby on the counter and opened the fridge with her free hand.

"Well, what?" She grabbed the juice from the fridge and set it on the counter next to Mallory. Draco quickly removed it when he saw the 2 year old grab for it.

He moved it to the table. Hermione grabbed a glass, picked up the baby and walked across the kitchen to the juice where Draco had set it.

"Did you get it?" He asked, enthusiastically.

"Well…"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to brag, but…"

"Yes?" Draco said, not liking that she was keeping him in suspense.

"I got it!"

He went to her, picked her up, and spun her around. Mallory giggled loudly at her father's change in attitude.

"That's great! When do you start?" He asked setting, her on her feet and taking Mallory from her so she could fill her cup without spilling it.

"As soon as my drug test comes back negative."

Draco raised an eyebrow at her.

"Drug test? They made you do a drug test?"

"Yes. To make sure I'm clean."

Draco threw his hands in the air.

"Of course you are! You're Hermione Granger for crying out loud. Bookworm of Hogwarts!"

"Draco. Keep your voice down." She scolded. Draco winced visibly.

"Sorry."

"Besides, I don't think they know that."

"Or don't care." He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. "They should care." He pushed hair out of his eyes.

"Yes. They should." Hermione said, sarcastically and rolling her eyes.

"Well, let's go out and celebrate! Dinner at one of the fanciest restaurants in town!" He walked quickly out of the kitchen. "Carter! Get your coat. We're going to dinner."

"But, Dad! I don't wanna go." Carter whined.

"No whining, Carter." Hermione called from the kitchen.

"See? Even your mother agrees. Now, let's go. We're taking Mum to a very important dinner."

3 days later

Hermione kissed the children and Draco goodbye and left for Diagon Alley. Draco turned to look at his children who were standing behind him.

"Well, children." He clapped his hands together. "Mummy's gone…" He was going to say more, but Mallory burst into tears. "Oh. Mallory!" He picked up the squalling child and tried to shush her, but apparently, the child didn't want to be coddled and threw a bigger tantrum. Draco sighed and set her on the floor. She threw herself down onto her stomach and flailed her arms around.

Draco walked away from the child and into the kitchen. He made her a bottle and took it back to her. Boredly, he picked her up, cradled her, and stuck the bottle in her mouth while she was screaming. She quieted immediately. While she sucked on the bottle, he walked around the living room, cooing at her.

"Who's a pretty baby? With chocolate eyes and white blonde hair? You are! And who's Daddy's little girl? You are! And who's going to stop this bloody tantrum that you're having so that Daddy can sit down and look at the paper and hopefully find a job? You are." Mallory looked at him, blankly, clearly not comprehending what he was saying.

Carter sniggeredfrom hiscoloring deskthe floor.

"Color, Carter." Draco said in a singsong voice.

"Yes, Dad." Carter said, and continued to laugh. He looked up from his coloring and said, "Hey, Dad?"

"Yes, Carter?"

"Can I watch Barney?"

"Sure, Son. Go ahead." He looked down at his son and smiled.

"You have to rewind it."

"Oh. All right." He set Mallory down on the couch. She made a face like she was going to cry. "No, no, Mallory." He said, placing two fingers on his youngest child's lips. "No crying. I'm going to put a movie on for you now." He motioned to the television. The look she gave him broke his heart. Tears were forming in her eyes and her bottom lip protruded.

"Hey." He said to her. "Stiffen up that upper lip. What are you crying about? You got me." He stated, as if that justified everything.

A/N: Again, sorry that took so long to update. I was just not feeling it. The next chapter could take a while as well, seeing as I don't have all of it written yet. Next chapter, Mallory does herself a little wandless magic. Too bad it involves spaghetti-o's. The words "Stiffen up that upper lip. What are you crying about? You got me." Are from the song Mockingbird by Eminem. It just fit there.

Also, if you were reading the story "Rainy Dayes and Sleepless Nights", it has been removed seeing as it was too cheesy for one person and I don't have the time to get it from one computer into a notebook and onto this computer. I am putting a new one on there (if you're tired of Rainy, endure the name again, because there's a new Rainy. No longer Rainy Daye. Laurena Malfoy.) The story is called Hogwarts Sanctuary and was inspired by a RPG I joined. Well, I'm done rambling. PEACE OUT, Rainy


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